Lately I’ve been feeling a kind of boredom. Everything I did seemed a bit mundane or like nonsense. I suppose you could call it a sort of deadening nihilistic attitude to life or creativity. I ended up abandoning my instagram account with over a thousand followers, and instead created one on private with no followers, and following about 50 artists and photographers whose work I could gain inspiration from.
The thing is, I wanted to create art. It’s been a huge point of identity for me. Maybe I got lost in the outer identity of myself, and had been psychologically stripped of, what I thought was, a main focal point of me. What was left without this pinnacle point of my identity? Just a person. Within this “personhood”, if that is a word, I had found a huuuuge centre of creative magma. It was like I had plugged back into humanity, or being a person. I felt small again in the scope of the life landscape fiasco, and in the limits I found everything I needed in order to function again.
The tipping point to this realisation, or more so actualisation, was a book my boyfriend lent me called You Are More Creative Than You Think by Rod Judkins. It was useful, it wasn’t written in ego, it’s like a little book of electric sparky creative fires. It did a lot of tying up on loose connections for me. I’ve finished reading the book and have bought it on my Kindle so that I can highlight some info, and so I can just give a glance when I need a quick caffeinated pick me up.
Another contributor to this new lease on life, to use a cliche phrase, is Jordan Peterson. I find him incredibly intelligent and his conservative views are fascinating – which must sound weird, but I’d have been raised in a very hippy, happiness-and-spiritual-enlightenment-are-the-goal kinda family, so to have a reasonable person explain these concepts rooted in psychology, science, humanity and history… Is a huge change from the more dense conservative types I’d, in general, hear from. But now these more conservative views and perceptions make sense to me, and are explained through a well intentioned person. To generalise, I find it interesting how people with lower IQs tend to drift towards the conservative, and I think that’s another interesting part of J.P. is that he is drawn to the conservative from his intelligence.
My own creativity has now a weight which I can function in. It combines creativity/imagination/aesthetics with practical/functional/technical aspects. So now I can actually produce art instead of talk about it. I’m involved in the work, I have skill to match talent. Well, I’m working on the skill part – but the point is; skill is what pushes you through and separates you from the rest – and if that’s combined with talent, etc. You’re ahead. And you’re actually doing something.